The older I get the more that I see
My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me
And loving is hard, it don't always work
 
You just try your best not to get hurt
I used to be mad but now I know
Sometimes it's better to let someone go

Voice in My Head

Monsters

I really hate my self rn. Awake in midnight or early morning with randoms thought. Mostly about my job which is I'm not enjoying it. I dont know if im just overract or the job is too hard for me.
There's a morning when I came to office and saw empty room. I was thinking what im doing here but I couldn't do anything beside sit down and turned on the computer.

Im thinking abt leaving my job but its really hard to saying it. I felt unprofesional worker but the other side i hate being worker. I dont know why I complain it again since its almost five years since I started but I dont know how to explain it. Its just too hard for me to become normal person who works 8 hours a day.

Why I couldn't be normal like other? Working like it doesnt matter.
Why I'm being a worker without soul?

My mom said it a common thing being worker like the others. She must desperate thinking her daugher doesn't like the others. I felt sorry towards her but I couldn't help it. I'm just hating my self so much for being too emotional abt things.

I hate the monsters inside me who always seeking purpose of thing I do. The monsters are living in my head and slowly swallowing me alive and the feeling that I never good enough to do a thing hit me hard. I find I dont have anything which I'm good at. I'm so ashamed of my self. I felt like someone who talking too much shit without execution and making excuse for everything when life's being cruel to me.

Jobless Days

I went to harau last week. It was my second time in there but this time turned out really tiring trip even I slept the whole time in the car. At next day, I had a fever seriously.

The saddest thing when i thought i could rest well on my jobless days but the fact is I wake up at 4/5 am. Not everyday but ALMost. 

People are texting me and asking how i'm doing. Which is i reply "I'm good. I'm enjoying my time." and they got confused at me and said "What's ur doing to killing time?"

Well, I'm just doing nothing actually.

The first and second week being jobless I read two books, writing some my draft, watching dramas + manage some my administrative doc.

But the third week I was laying in my bed and absolutely doing nothing beside coughing, drinking pil, and watching videos on youtube. 

I wish tomorrow I'm not lazy enough to continuing this. 

Me : Fighting with laziness.

First Movie in 2018 - The Greatest Showman

Watching movie on theaters so often lately not only spending my times there but my money too. I should be wiser to manage my financial but I’m just emmm. Just let it be.
I'll save up later. *prayinghardnotplaying
 

Lets talk about my first movie In 2018 The Greatest Showman. I’d love the film from beginning until the end especially the soundtracks. How people talking with another with singing.

"Musical is Magical"