These days I think the meaning of happiness is not as BIG as we always thought. I found little things that happened in our daily lives could bring joy to us too. At least it is for me and my self. I find my self become more simple and easy one. Even though I'm still the type of melancholy sometimes but yeay I feel more stable now. ME feel growing UP 😎

So here, my list of little pretty things that brings joy/happiness to me :

1. A  cup of tea in the morning (Not rushing to going to work) 
2. Seeing bright or cloudy skies 
3. Drinking a milo when raining 
4. Laying in the bed with feet covered by blanket 
5. Lighting candle on essensial oil burner (Favorite thing to do on these days) 
6. Reading book without any distraction 
7. Writing draft without any trouble 
8. Writing diaries/journal 
9. Finding indie/newbie artist on youtube or spotify 
10. Jamming to music while applying simple make up 
11. Drawing freely (Even don’t have any talent on it) 
12. Laughing loudly without thinking how weird *ehemm* my laugh 
13. Sweating after work out 
14. Hugging someone whom close to you
15. Watching dramas/movies/videos which is makes you laugh
16. Watching dramas/movie/videos which is make you realize something about life 
17. Hanging out with close friends 
18. Eating something delicious with whole family 
19. Making a child laughing continuously 
20. A baby holding tight your finger 
21. Someone praise your photography skill 
22. Opening packet that you’re ordering on internet (This one is another level of my weird but did you know the feeling when you're opening packet that you're waiting for? I really like the feeling)
23. Smelling new wash off blanket
24. Smiling while looking yourself in mirror 
25. Washing off your body without rushing to go anywhere 
26. Having deep conversation with someone close to you 
27. Applying mask on face 
28. Drinking juices in morning 
29. —I’m going to search other little pretty tiny things that bring joy to me so the list could go on and on—

Sasha Sloan - Older

The older I get the more that I see
My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me
And loving is hard, it don't always work
 
You just try your best not to get hurt
I used to be mad but now I know
Sometimes it's better to let someone go

Voice in My Head

Monsters

I really hate my self rn. Awake in midnight or early morning with randoms thought. Mostly about my job which is I'm not enjoying it. I dont know if im just overract or the job is too hard for me.
There's a morning when I came to office and saw empty room. I was thinking what im doing here but I couldn't do anything beside sit down and turned on the computer.

Im thinking abt leaving my job but its really hard to saying it. I felt unprofesional worker but the other side i hate being worker. I dont know why I complain it again since its almost five years since I started but I dont know how to explain it. Its just too hard for me to become normal person who works 8 hours a day.

Why I couldn't be normal like other? Working like it doesnt matter.
Why I'm being a worker without soul?

My mom said it a common thing being worker like the others. She must desperate thinking her daugher doesn't like the others. I felt sorry towards her but I couldn't help it. I'm just hating my self so much for being too emotional abt things.

I hate the monsters inside me who always seeking purpose of thing I do. The monsters are living in my head and slowly swallowing me alive and the feeling that I never good enough to do a thing hit me hard. I find I dont have anything which I'm good at. I'm so ashamed of my self. I felt like someone who talking too much shit without execution and making excuse for everything when life's being cruel to me.

Jobless Days

I went to harau last week. It was my second time in there but this time turned out really tiring trip even I slept the whole time in the car. At next day, I had a fever seriously.

The saddest thing when i thought i could rest well on my jobless days but the fact is I wake up at 4/5 am. Not everyday but ALMost. 

People are texting me and asking how i'm doing. Which is i reply "I'm good. I'm enjoying my time." and they got confused at me and said "What's ur doing to killing time?"

Well, I'm just doing nothing actually.

The first and second week being jobless I read two books, writing some my draft, watching dramas + manage some my administrative doc.

But the third week I was laying in my bed and absolutely doing nothing beside coughing, drinking pil, and watching videos on youtube. 

I wish tomorrow I'm not lazy enough to continuing this. 

Me : Fighting with laziness.

First Movie in 2018 - The Greatest Showman

Watching movie on theaters so often lately not only spending my times there but my money too. I should be wiser to manage my financial but I’m just emmm. Just let it be.
I'll save up later. *prayinghardnotplaying
 

Lets talk about my first movie In 2018 The Greatest Showman. I’d love the film from beginning until the end especially the soundtracks. How people talking with another with singing.

"Musical is Magical"

Random Poem (maybe) or anything you called it

 

So many rumour about us
And i knew they talked about us behind
There's nothing i could do
Cause there's nothing between us

I dont know if you still had the feeling
Your unspoken words to me